Type-A bureaucrat who professionally pushes papers in the Middle East. History nerd, linguistic geek, and devoted news junkie.
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I am Emperor Caligula, and Even I Think the White House UFC Event Is a Bit Much

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I am Emperor Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus Caligula, successor of Tiberius, Son of the Divine Germanicus, and Supreme Commander and Holder of Tribunician Power, Pontifex Maximus. And I decree, in regard to the upcoming White House UFC event…

It’s a bit much, right? Like even for me. Pretty gauche, no?

Caged brutes pummeling one another bloody on the historic lawn of the Executive Mansion? All to celebrate President Trump’s birthday?

Come on, what are we doing here?

I might have been guilty of some runaway self-indulgence from time to time. I mean, I used to literally drink pearls and once declared war on Neptune.

But is America really going to sully its iconic symbol of democracy with Dana White’s CTE speedrun machine? Why can’t Trump keep his bloodsport / ego strokefest in the coliseum where it belongs? This whole ordeal is really giving mad kings a bad name.

And what’s next? Pete Hegseth’s hardcore backyard wrestling in the rose garden? How about a JD Vance dunk tank on the south lawn? Or Stephen Miller as a carnival geek biting heads off live chickens and guessing immigrants’ weights? I’m just saying, this is beneath the most sacred of America’s institutions.

I know this might seem surprising coming from me. And don’t get me wrong, I’m no stranger to bread and circuses. But considering that the price of bread is currently skyrocketing, Trump spending millions on a red-white-and-blue-drenched octagon is a real slap in the face to John Q. Plebeian.

Besides, there’s an appropriate time and a place for brutality and violence. It’s like I was saying to my trusted advisor/horse the other day: The orgies stay on the orgy ships, and the beheadings and burnings stay in the gladiator arenas, or the prisons, or the slave quarters, or sometimes on the orgy ships. But I don’t spill blood at home. For one, that’s where all my stuff is. And two, I like to keep business and pleasure separate. Mostly…

Of course, maybe I’m expecting too much from the modern world. As you can imagine, things were very different in Ancient Rome during my four-year rule. Allow me to set the scene:

I was a megalomaniac leader completely unmoored from reality. I declared war on the environment. I led many unsuccessful invasions and declared victory anyway. I built monuments to myself and insisted that my minions worship me as their god. I engaged in heinous sex acts and even lusted after my blood relatives. And finally, I routinely humiliated senators and political adversaries with childish nicknames like “Little” Marco Naevius, “Sleepy” Tiberius, and “Crooked” Cassius Chaerea.

Again, everything I’ve just described must be completely foreign to the United States in 2026.

Also, the majority of Roman citizens celebrated my eventual assassination. Not sure if there are any parallels there…

Regardless, the concept of restraint is timeless. While I am obviously 100 percent on board with the ruling class engaging in debauched carnality and unpunished murder (is that still a thing in 2026?), please, let’s try to keep it classy.

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Notes from a Tired Egyptian Guy Whose Job Is Explaining That Humans Built the Pyramids

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Day 4,382 of people asking whether “normal workers” could really move large stones without assistance from mystical sky beings.

Yes. That is generally how construction functions.

- - -

A man approached me near the Nile today and whispered, “But have you considered… visitors from the stars?”

Brother. We do not even have reliable sandals yet. Why would intergalactic civilizations travel unimaginable distances only to help stack triangles?

- - -

People dramatically underestimate what thousands of organized humans can accomplish when they are adequately fed, aggressively supervised, and denied alternative career paths.

- - -

Another traveler asked: “How could ancient people possibly understand mathematics?”

Excellent question. We accidentally invented geometry while trying to avoid carrying rocks incorrectly.

- - -

There is a strange tendency among future civilizations to imagine ancient Egyptians spent all day worshipping cats, speaking in riddles, and waiting for aliens to explain basic engineering.

- - -

I showed one visitor the ramps.

The pulleys.
The labor records.
The architectural planning.

He nodded thoughtfully and replied, “Interesting. But what if extraterrestrials?”

At this point, I believe some people simply find aliens emotionally comforting.

- - -

Do you know what sounds more believable than “A sophisticated civilization developed impressive construction techniques over centuries”?

Apparently: “Space people.”

- - -

Yesterday, someone pointed at the pyramids and said, “There’s no way humans did this.”

This feels deeply insulting considering humans also created taxation, organized warfare, and raisins.

Clearly, we are capable of terrible perseverance.

- - -

The workers themselves would be furious hearing these theories. Imagine dedicating twenty years to hauling limestone under desert heat only for somebody in the future to conclude, “Honestly, this feels Martian.”

Also, if aliens truly possessed advanced cosmic technology, why would they choose pyramids? Why not invent indoor cooling? Or chairs that support the lower back?

- - -

Tomorrow, I must return to supervising entirely human workers using entirely human tools to build another entirely human monument that future people will somehow attribute to lizards from space.

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hannahdraper
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Yesterday, someone pointed at the pyramids and said, “There’s no way humans did this.”

This feels deeply insulting considering humans also created taxation, organized warfare, and raisins.

Clearly, we are capable of terrible perseverance.
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State's Library Named the 2025 Federal Library of the Year

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Congratulations are in order to the Ralph Bunche Library, my favorite place to spend time whenever I find myself at Main State. See the FEDLink award, or just read these excerpts:

The Ralph J. Bunche Library at the U.S. Department of State has been named the 2025 Federal Library of the Year by the Federal Library and Information Network, or FEDLINK, in recognition of its technological innovation, operational restructuring and global support for American diplomacy. The FEDLINK award recognizes federal libraries that demonstrate outstanding service, innovation and measurable impact in support of government operations.

Established in 1789, the Bunche Library is the nation’s first federal library. In fiscal year 2025, library staff served 18,000 unique patrons across 175 countries. Much of the library’s recent work focused on using AI and data analysis to better understand patron needs and demonstrate the value of library services across the Department.

[Snip]

The library’s newly minted assessment and strategy team used AI tools to analyze 18 months of customer relationship management case entries to identify common themes across requested library services, including business and organization vetting, legal and policy research, regional and country-specific research, database access, specialized subject research and historical research. The analysis helped the library shift how it describes its work, focusing less on internal processes and more on the mission-tailored outcomes Department staff achieve with library support.

While you appreciate all the AI tools and clever strategy don’t overlook the library’s stacks, which are extensive and redolent of old leather-bound volumes and dusty ambiance, exactly as they should be. That is the heart and soul of a library, and it just doesn't come across through a screen.

Here’s a tip: there may be uncatalogued Easter eggs of information in those stacks which will amaze you. For example, when browsing references on the Spanish Civil War, I found a stray pamphlet put out by the Nationalist government in the early 1950s that had group photos of every international volunteer unit on the Republican side and their battalion flags. It was evidently collected by the U.S. Information Agency, and some State librarian was good enough to keep it.

The unstated goal of that pamphlet seemed to have been to associate the civil war with the communist take-overs of the Soviet Bloc states in the 1940s, implicitly aligning Nationalist Spain with the U.S. side in the early Cold War. In other words, portraying Spain as the first Iron Curtain victim but for the resistance of the Nationalists. Spain’s ticket into the good graces of the U.S. and NATO after a regretful wartime dalliance with Nazi Germany, perhaps. In any case, it was an example of a public diplomacy campaign by Franco’s government.

All that was good material for my research purpose, but that artifact only existed because of The Unknown Librarian who wouldn’t - couldn’t? - throw it out.

Faced with a badly printed little book on terrible quality newsprint that left smudges on your fingers if you touched it, my nameless benefactor chose to err on the side of being a collector. It might have been another fifty years before a library user next touched that item, but I owe someone my thanks.

That’s just the sort of footnote to history you might find if you tear yourself away from your screens, now and then, and go hands-on with paper and ink. Who knows what else may lie undiscovered in those stacks?



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The Radical Art of the Summer Go Bag: On Turning 40, Diplomatic Tradecraft, and Offensive Joy

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This past winter in the Midwest was a systemic shock. There is no gentler way to put it. Coming back to this climate, feeling that heavy, gray, bone-chilling freeze, I found myself counting down the weeks until the world finally thawed. I wasn’t just waiting for the temperature to rise; I was longing for a specific frequency of existence.

This is my first full summer back in America. It also happens to be the summer I turn 40.

In Ghanaian culture, entering your forties isn't something to hide. It’s the official induction into your grown-woman era, a time when you stop asking for permission and start claiming your space. And because of that milestone, I have a very specific, uncompromising vision for the next three months. I want travel. I want slowness. I want beauty, festivals, sweet stone fruit, and discovery. I want the beautiful chaos of sending my three kids to American summer camp for the very first time, a rite of passage that feels so uniquely American to watch them step into. We only live in the floating rock for a moment. A blip.

And as a water sign, I take being near the water with absolute seriousness. I want the swimsuits, the sexiness, and the long, uninterrupted days where the sun melts away every lingering remnant of that brutal winter frost.

But if you have three kids, you know that spontaneity in America is a logistical battlefield. The sheer mental load of getting everyone out the door can kill the vibe before you even turn the ignition. Have you ever tried to get three toddlers to put on their shoes with urgency?!

To pull off a summer of this magnitude, I realized I had to rely on my old training. I had to look back to my time at the State Department.

The Tradecraft: Go Bags vs. Stay Bags

In my previous life navigating global logistics and diplomatic environments, readiness wasn’t a lifestyle aesthetic, it was a literal survival mechanism. We lived by the rigid gospel of two distinct setups:

The Go Bag (Agility & Evacuation): This is your 72-hour lifeline. It sits by your front door or in your trunk, packed with the absolute essentials: legal documents, cash in multiple currencies, flashlights, water purification, and emergency rations. It operates on a single assumption: The environment has turned hostile, and you need to move right now without friction.

The Stay Bag (Endurance & Lockdown): This is what you keep at the office for when things go sideways but you cannot leave. If an embassy goes into lockdown, your Stay Bag holds the items that preserve your dignity and stamina over forty-eight to seventy-two hours: a fresh change of clothes, proper toiletries, comfort snacks, and extra phone chargers.

Diplomacy cures you of the illusion that stability is permanent. Years later, I still maintain this tradition. I have versions of these bags in my home, my office, and the trunk of my car.

But recently, I was listening to NPR’s It’s Been a Minute, and the hosts started talking about the concept of a "Summer Go Bag." They joked about umbrellas, picnic blankets, and the eternal struggle of finding a sunscreen that actually works.

It hit me right in the chest: Why do we only apply strict, rigorous readiness to crises? Why do we only pack with intensity when we are trying to survive a worst-case scenario? This summer, I am reclaiming the tradecraft. I am transitioning from defensive readiness (surviving a crisis) to offensive readiness (claiming my joy).

The Manifest: My Turning-40 Summer Go Bag

The Summer Go Bag is my spontaneity insurance. It means that when the sun hits perfectly on a Tuesday afternoon, or a festival lineup drops, or the kids get home from camp and the beach is calling, we don't spend ninety minutes negotiating logistics. We just grab the handles and go. As a Ghanaian-American woman, a mother of three, and a water sign turning 40, my manifest requires a few non-negotiables that you won't find in a standard lifestyle blog:

1. The Protection (Zero White Cast)

"To Garrett's point about sunscreen, I have so many friends who still don't wear sunscreen. It blows my mind. Some of them make me look like the Blair Witch. Yes, the white cast is real." — It's Been a Minute

We are absolutely not doing the Blair Witch aesthetic this year. Protecting rich, brown skin requires the right formulation. My bag permanently houses a high-end, completely sheer sunscreen (no ashiness, no purple tint, no ghost-lit look in family photos). It’s a mandatory line item for me and the kids before anyone steps into the sun. I love Black Girl sunscreen and my go-to Korean brands I purchased on my last trip to Seoul.

2. The Hair & Skin Restoration Kit

As a Black woman who loves the water, the beach isn't just a trip, it’s a major hair operation. You cannot take water seriously without a plan for the aftermath. My bag includes:

A heavy-duty leave-in conditioner and detangling spray to immediately melt away the effects of chlorine and salt water for me and the kids.

A jar of pure shea oil or high-quality body butter to seal in moisture the second we step off the sand, because the Midwest sun will dry you out if you let it.

Satin-lined caps or wraps for the drive home.

3. The Infrastructure for Slowness

The Premium Beach Umbrella: As the podcast rightly noted, you cannot have a luxurious, hours-long beach day if you are fighting heat exhaustion under the glare of the sun. True slowness requires a micro-climate of shade.

The Drawstring Picnic Blanket: This lives permanently in the trunk. It’s compact, portable, and turns any impromptu park visit, festival lawn, or sandy shore into an immediate lounge setup.

4. The Grown-Woman Essentials

The "Turning 40" Swimsuit: This is not a utilitarian, "let me chase a toddler" mom-suit. This is something intentional, confident, and unapologetically sexy.

High-End Hydration: A heavy-duty insulated flask filled with ice-cold water—and perhaps a separate, smaller one with something crisp and sparkling for festival afternoons.

Quick-Dry Turkish Towels: Traditional terrycloth towels are heavy, take forever to dry, and hold sand like a magnet. Turkish towels pack down flat, weigh nothing, dry in minutes, and double as a chic wrap or head covering.

5. The Three-Kid Camp Reset

The Post-Camp Cleanse: A pack of heavy-duty body wipes and three pre-rolled, lightweight changes of clothes for the kids so we can transition from the camp bus straight to the water without a pitstop at home.

Non-Melting Fuel: High-protein snacks that won't turn into a sad, melted sludge in a hot car.

The Ultimate State of Readiness

Turning 40 feels a lot like realizing you finally know exactly what needs to go into your life’s Go Bag. You spend your twenties and thirties packing for everyone else, anticipating every conceivable emergency, and trying to fit your vibrant, expansive identity into boxes that are too small for you.

This summer, the bag is packed entirely for pleasure, beauty, and presence. The kids are taken care of, the infrastructure is in the trunk, the sunscreen is clear, and the element is calling. We survived the winter. We earned this sun.

We are ready!

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A Year Later: SNAP Update

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Since we published our article in August 2025, the changes we warned about have begun rolling out across the country. A year ago, over 42 million Americans were receiving SNAP benefits. Today, it’s closer to 38.5 million. That’s roughly 4 million people who were getting food assistance who now aren’t. For many of them, nothing changed in their lives, but the rules changed around them. What was once theoretical is now hitting families hard.

We accept EBT sign in a barrel of squash at farmer's market

TLDR:

  • 4 million Americans lost SNAP benefits in the past year since our last article due to stricter work requirements and $187 billion in federal funding cuts.
  • The House Farm Bill (passed April 30th, 2026) does nothing to fix this crisis; it locks in the cuts.
  • The Senate will vote on its version in late May, early June, and this is your chance to make a difference if the SNAP program is important to you.
  • Call your two Senators at (202) 224-3121 and urge them to vote NO on any farm bill that doesn’t reverse SNAP cuts and roll back new work requirements.
  • Your calls and emails get logged and counted, and high call volumes influence senators’ votes. Your voice matters!

Who Lost SNAP Benefits and Why?

Since we published our previous article in August of 2025, the changes we warned about have begun rolling out across the country and may now be impacting you or your neighbors. The situation appears to be worse than we anticipated.

If you’re between the ages of 55 and 64, homeless, a veteran, or a parent with a teenager 14 years of age or older at home, you used to be exempt from work requirements. Now you’re not. For the parents and caregivers out there, this means if your youngest kid just turned 14 and you were previously exempt from work requirements, you now must meet the 80-hour work/training per month requirement, or you will lose your SNAP benefits after 3 months. A year ago, having any minor child under 18 at home kept you exempt.

If you’re struggling to find work, or if you’re dealing with health issues that are debilitating but not severe enough to qualify for a disability exemption, you can easily fall through the cracks with these new changes. 80 hours per month works out to 20 hours a week, which is essentially a part-time job and not extreme under normal circumstances, but it can be a real obstacle for people in more trying situations:

  • Americans in their late 50s or 60s who have physical limitations that don’t qualify as a formal disability, but still make regular work painful or difficult.
  • Living in areas with very few job opportunities (and don’t get me started on the excruciatingly low minimum wage in most states or the price of gas right now if finding work requires that you commute.)
  • Homeless and dealing with practical barriers that come with that. (Finding and keeping a job when you don’t have a permanent address, a reliable phone, or a place to shower before work is significantly harder than most people realize.)
  • Veterans managing service-related health or mental health issues that aren’t classified as disabling. (PTSD, traumatic brain injury, chronic pain from service—these are real and often debilitating, but they don’t always meet the narrow definition of “disability” that qualifies for exemptions.)
woman shopping at grocery store looking at a pack of cheese

The Burden of Paperwork

The requirement isn’t just “have a job”; you must also document and prove you’re meeting the requirements, which adds the burden of paperwork, having dependable internet access, and the time to complete it on top of everything else.

You must document and prove you’re meeting the requirements. That means:

  • Collecting pay stubs or employer verification letters
  • Gathering receipts or certificates from training programs
  • Submitting paperwork to your state agency
  • Having internet access to upload documents or use state portals
  • Finding the time to complete all of this while working or searching for work, and caring for dependents, etc.

If you’re juggling a part-time job (or multiple part-time jobs), have transportation challenges, health issues, struggling with childcare, or homelessness, the new work requirements and the paperwork burden add another layer of difficulty on top of everything else when you’re just trying to feed your family.

This shift affects real people in real situations.

The SNAP participation decline is accelerating beyond initial projections. SNAP participation has declined by approximately 3.5 million people over the last year. This includes the vulnerable populations we warned about; the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities estimated that expanded work requirements will lead to more than 1 million older adults ages 55 to 64 losing their food assistance.

The law reduced federal funding for SNAP by $187 billion through 2034, according to the Congressional Budget Office. This is the largest cut to food assistance in history.

three woman cooking

If You Receive SNAP: Keep Meticulous Records

If you’re subject to the new work requirements, track your hours religiously. Keep:

  • Recent pay stubs
  • Employer verification letters
  • Training certificates
  • Job search documentation
  • Volunteer hour logs
  • Anything that proves you’re meeting the 80-hour requirement

States are overwhelmed and slow to process paperwork. If there’s a problem and you have to fight to get your benefits, having records shows what happened and protects you.

This isn’t just about work requirements anymore, it’s about devastating underfunding.

Beyond work requirements, 18 states requested and received approval to further restrict SNAP-eligible products to address nutrition concerns, with restrictions covering products including soda, desserts, candy, and certain processed foods, applying to roughly 31 percent of SNAP participants. These restrictions limit food choices and create additional complexity for families already struggling.

Let me put it this way: If you live in an area where there is very little available as far as grocery options go, or you don’t have transportation to get to a grocery store, you may end up relying on the closest walkable place to get food for yourself or your family.

If you’ve ever gone into a tiny, rural gas station in the middle of nowhere, you’ll have seen that there are very few “healthy” whole food options there. When you restrict the food that qualifies for SNAP, you might be taking away the highest-calorie choice someone has based on what’s available closest to them. It also suggests that people who rely on SNAP benefits don’t know how to make good choices, which is insulting and fundamentally wrong.

Most people on SNAP are doing the best they can with what they have available—and if this were truly a concern, why would the government cut SNAP Education in their sweeping budget cut?

The food insecurity crisis is worsening, and we are pulling the rug out from underneath our neighbors who need help. The U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Household Food Security report, published in December 2025, revealed that nearly 48 million people were in food-insecure households in 2024, even as the number of people receiving SNAP has shrunk.

These former SNAP recipients have not been “lifted” out of poverty; they are still struggling to feed themselves, and they just can’t adjust to the new requirements and lack of help.

box of tomatoes at a farmers market

What’s with the Farm Bill?

The Farm Bill was supposed to be an opportunity to fix SNAP’s problems. Instead, it became a disappointment.

In the early hours of March 5, 2026, after two days of debate, House Agriculture Committee members voted 34-17 to advance a new farm bill. On April 30, the House passed the 2026 farm bill, the “Farm, Food, and National Security Act of 2026” with a 224-200 vote.

Here’s the disappointing reality: the Farm, Food, and National Security Act of 2026 fails to reverse the deeply damaging $187 billion in SNAP cuts, as well as other harmful changes that will further weaken the program. Despite months of advocacy and pleas from hunger relief organizations, the House version does nothing to restore SNAP funding or roll back the expanded work requirements.

The House did make one minor change that’s positive: the House passed an amendment (384-35 vote) allowing SNAP recipients to purchase hot rotisserie chickens with their benefits. While any expansion of food choices is welcome, this modest change does not address the core problems created by the massive funding cuts and expanded work requirements.

The Senate has yet to introduce its version of the farm bill, but Senate Agriculture Committee Chairman John Boozman (R-AR) has indicated he intends to release a draft in the coming weeks. This is where hope remains: the Senate still has an opportunity to take a different path and address SNAP’s crisis.

The Senate farm bill vote is critical, and it could happen as soon as LATE MAY, EARLY JUNE. There’s still time to change course.

This is where YOU come in!

The United States Capitol switchboard number is (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request. For example, when I call, I tell them I am from Tennessee, and ask to be connected to Marsha Blackburn’s office. Then, I leave my message for Blackburn and call back and ask to be connected to Bill Haggerty’s office next. Every state has 2 Senators, so make sure you call twice so you can leave messages for both of the individuals who were elected to represent you!

Here’s a short script that will work for you no matter where you live when you call your Senators to tell them how you feel about SNAP:

“Hi, I’m a constituent calling from [YOUR CITY/STATE/ZIPCODE].

I’d like to share my thoughts with Senator [NAME]’s office about the upcoming Farm Bill vote:

I’m calling to urge Senator [NAME] to vote in favor of protecting SNAP funding in the Farm Bill. SNAP keeps families fed and strengthens our economy. Every dollar spent on SNAP generates economic activity in our communities, and cutting this program would hurt families.

Please vote NO on any farm bill that doesn’t reverse SNAP cuts. Please pass legislation that restores SNAP funding and rolls back the harmful work requirement changes.

This program is essential for food security and shouldn’t be a political bargaining chip.

I hope the Senator will vote to maintain or increase this critical program.

Thank you for taking my call.”

A Few Tips:

  1. Be respectful: You’ll be talking to staff or leaving a voicemail, you won’t be speaking with the Senator directly.
  2. Be specific: Mention you’re calling about SNAP in the upcoming Farm Bill.
  3. Be brief: 30 seconds is perfect (you may be timed if it’s a voicemail.)
  4. Get confirmation: If you do speak to a person, ask if your message will be logged or recorded. (This is a good thing! You want them to log your opinion and message.)

What to expect:

  • You’ll likely reach a staff member answering phones or be sent to voicemail.
  • Give your name, address, and the topic you wish to weigh in on. (In this case, that’s SNAP funding in the Farm Bill.)
  • Your message gets logged in a tally of constituent calls.
  • Quantity matters — High call volumes influence votes!
  • Consider also sending an email or letter for the official record. Many offices track contacts by method.
grocery ingredients in front of woman cooking in the background

other ways to help:

Join and Support SNAP Advocacy Organizations

The Food Research & Action Center (FRAC) is working to ensure Congress passes legislation to strengthen SNAP. Join the FRAC Action Network to help end hunger in America and receive updates on legislative opportunities for action. Visit FRAC.org to use their easy action network and send messages to your Members of Congress with just a few clicks.

OTHER ADVOCACY ORGANIZATIONS:

The Bottom Line

Four million Americans lost SNAP benefits in the past year. The rules changed, not their circumstances. As we head toward the Senate’s farm bill vote, there’s still an opportunity to reverse course and protect food assistance for the millions of Americans who depend on it. But that won’t happen without pressure. It won’t happen without you making phone calls, sending emails, volunteering, and telling your story. The fight for SNAP isn’t over, in many ways, it’s just beginning. Your action matters more now than ever.

woman buying produce from a man at farmers market

Sources:

The post A Year Later: SNAP Update appeared first on Budget Bytes.

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Ask a Hench: an interview with Natalie Zina Walschots, the author of Hench and Villain

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I’ve raved here in the past about Hench and Villain, two books by Natalie Zina Walschots. In Hench, a woman works very boring temp jobs for supervillains (and it turns out that even when you work for supervillains, you still need to deal with bosses who are way too interested in how you are feeling, office politics, and worries about health insurance). In Villain, the sequel that just came out last month, she’s moved into a second-in-command position and is working to destroy the organization that manages the world’s superheroes. Both books explore work, power, loyalty, and what happens when ordinary people find themselves working for extraordinary (and often terrible) bosses. So the crossover felt natural. Here’s our conversation.

Alison: Since first reading Hench in 2020, I have thought that our work overlaps in so many interesting ways: workplace power dynamics, labor exploitation, competence, resentment, burnout, institutional absurdity, the ethics of loyalty, the ways so many workplaces encourage people (subtly or not so subtly) to ignore obvious harm, and the whole emotional texture of modern work. So I am very excited to talk!

Natalie: I personally think it is fascinating, hilarious, and deeply telling that a book about working for supervillains was somehow so relatable to so many people. And certainly a lot of that is intentional — I chose to write about the mundane intersecting with the horrific and fantastic, so all the scrungly parts of reality should feel familiar in those ways. But still, I think if there are all these elements about institutional evil and crushing bureaucracy and predatory mentorship and employee mistreatment is resonating so much, if a story about working for a supervillain is something so many people saw themselves in … we should probably be looking more closely at that and what the actual fuck is wrong with our workplaces that so many people recognize themselves in Hench.

Alison: Yeah. It’s a pretty bleak statement about modern work.

You have such a talent for capturing the mundanity of office work, even against a backdrop of working for supervillains. I knew I was going to love Hench early on when one character was describing a supervillain’s office to another and she mentioned that there are out-of-date computers and an annoying assistant who microwaves fish every day, and one supervillain gets described as the type of boss who pushes too much for a “real answer” when he asks how you are, all while making too much eye contact … and when the main character first meets him, he tells her, “My partner and I have been talking about opening our relationship, and it’s going really well.” I immediately thought, man, we all recognize that boss. I get so many letters about that boss! And then you carry it on in Villain. They have department sprints! They put out an RFP for proposals of evil-doing! To what extent were you drawing on your own real-life work experiences when you wrote Hench?

Natalie: It’s coming from a real place, I can tell you that much lol. Some of the events are more directly inspired than others; I did hide my coworker’s endlessly ringing phone in a pumpkin one time, for example, and the Electric Eel is a composite of several bosses I have had. My process is pretty simple, in that I take an incident or a concept — say, for example, writing and circulating RFPs — that is extremely mundane as an activity in a lot of workplaces or industries. Then I take that thing and plop it into the context of supervillainy and evildoing, and see what happens. Usually the results are hilarious, but sometimes something really interesting happens and in addition to being funny as hell, it works a little too well and that’s when I know I have really hit gold. The things that feel too real, or almost hyperreal, tend to be where the richest narrative veins are. But honestly something being funny as fuck is perfectly valid and often enough for me to find a spot for it in a book somewhere.

Alison: If you write a third book in the series, I really hope you include a terrible office Slack channel.

Natalie: This is, of course, an excellent idea and something I have thought about a lot. Can you imagine the channels? Can you imagine the DMs and groupchats? Nightmarish. 

Also, this is a bit of an aside, but you absolutely know there are several competing supervillain Discord servers that have just the most horrific mods in the known universe.

Alison: You know the way some offices have a Slack channel for people to post photos of their pets? I like to imagine that they had one where Leviathan (the supervillain in both books) would often post photos of his lizard.

Natalie: I am wheezing about this, because the moment I read this I could see the entire thing so clearly. So of course there is a pets channel, like every other work and social space on the planet. It is quite lively and varied, and you are as likely to see a praying mantis as a can on a window perch. And then once every few months, Leviathan will post a captionless image of Shannon the Iguana, always immaculately lit, and it receives a zillion reacts but no comments because everyone overthinks their replies into paralysis. 

Alison: Yes! Yes, please.

I don’t know if you’re a fan of The Wire, but I loved that element of the mundane mixed in there too — like when Stringer Bell, who’s essentially the managing director of a criminal drug dealing network, decides they’re going to start using Robert’s Rules of Order at their meetings. And actually, in the Sopranos too, I always loved the scenes that made it clear that even in this underground criminal enterprise, they had to deal with routine personnel stuff and business minutia, and it was just as boringly human there as anywhere else.

Natalie: Perhaps extremely unsurprisingly, I love The Wire. Another example of a Stringer Bell-esque character is Charles Foster Offdensen, the manager/handler of the fictional metal band Deathklok in the show Metalocalypse. I have a deep affection for characters with practical jobs in wild fictional universes.

Crime is actually very boring most of the time. I am not kidding. A thing that came up time and time again in the research I was doing was that so much of the day-to-day of organized crime was just sitting around waiting for Something To Happen. Sometimes that was a planned something and sometimes that was not, but there was a hell of a lot of just being available when you needed to be available and killing time waiting for the next brief punctuation of extreme violence.

I think the mundane parts, the boring parts, are a crucial element to all of these stories, both because they take up the majority of the time of the illegitimately employed, and because they are a very important part of humanizing these experiences. We all know what it is like to be bored, to be endlessly waiting for Something to Happen, to have our time yoked to a job and being unable to escape that, especially when that time feels like it is utterly wasted. The feeling of being on the clock is very ordinary and terrible in its own right, and being able to really feel the boredom and tension of that time passing makes things like the life of a henchperson seem so much more real and relatable. We’ve all been there watching the clock as our shift crawls to an interminable end, and the awful truth is it doesn’t feel very different whether you are behind a counter making sandwiches or in a chopshop waiting for some shit to go down.

Alison: At one point in Villain, there’s a character, Tamara, who clearly has PTSD from her old dysfunctional job and who’s carrying that stuff forward to her new job. Her old boss was punitive in very, uh, disturbing ways, and she was braced for that happening at the new job too, and it took her a while to believe the new place wasn’t like that. Which happens all the time in real life! I loved that. No question, just wanted to say it.

Natalie: Thank you for saying it, and I have terrible news: Tamara’s experience with her boss is directly inspired by something that happened to me at work, in real life, that I am frankly still furious about. I was working in an office environment, and a relatively polished/respectable one with extremely recognizable clients, doing social media work. I got the job directly through a friend, who would be my direct supervisor, and I had a lot of hope for the job being a genuinely good and safe and supportive place to work. This is foreshadowing.

One day I arrived at work and it was just me and one other person in the elevator, a man I had seen before but did not work with directly and had never spoken to. We had no relationship at all, professional or otherwise. He was scowling when he got on, and as soon as the doors closed I could tell the vibes were rancid. A few seconds into the ride he screams “Fuck!” out of nowhere and starts punching the wall of the elevator over and over again while screaming at no one. Like he was in a rage room, just letting it all out, while I was trapped in there with him. It was absolutely terrifying.

After one million years the doors opened and he got out, and I rode the last few floss up shaking. I immediately went to my friend/boss and told her what happened, while I was visibly very shaken. She just … shrugged, and said, “Oh that’s just HisName, he gets like that, don’t worry about it.” She was just completely unbothered, like oh yeah that’s just the guy who freaks the fuck out once in a while. She was completely uninterested in talking to his supervisor and discouraged me from doing so because he was not the sort of person who would be let go for something like that and what was the point.

While Tamara’s experience in her own elevator was definitely more intense than mine, it still disturbed me greatly, and also was a moment of deep disappointment in terms of the way it was handled, or not handled. 

Alison: That’s unhinged. And then you just had to go back to work like everything was normal, and everyone around you was acting like it’s normal, which in some ways is the most deeply unsettling aspect of experiences like that.

Natalie: That is always the part that has fucked me up the most about experiences like this: I know what happened was outrageous and terrifying, but the responses of the people around me make me question my own reality. It’s profoundly destabilizing. 

Alison: Do you consider Anna/the Auditor (the protagonist in both books) a good boss? I’m curious to hear your thoughts, given the setting they’re working in (a supervillain’s lair, basically).

Natalie: I think she is trying very hard to be a good boss. I don’t think that she is especially suited for it, and managing people is neither her strong suit nor something she takes a lot of pleasure in. But she does want to protect the people working for her and give them the best chance that she can to succeed, and that counts for a lot. I think she occupies a position that most supervillains would find themselves in, which is that The Work is all consuming and managing the people who work for her is just a necessary step in service to that work, but one that often takes a much lower priority than other things. She isn’t cruel  to her team but she certainly can be neglectful, and when big shit is going down her attention is entirely elsewhere. 

She’s definitely not a good boss, but she’s not an awful one either. Being a boss is an unfortunate side effect of where she finds herself, and something she will deprioritize at the expense of her team when necessary.

Alison: At the same time, she cares about her people, she gives them a lot of autonomy to do what they’re good at, and she’s very clear about the realities they’re working with. She’s not trying to hide the reality of it from anyone, which I respect a lot.

Natalie: She is trying very hard to balance keeping her people safe while treating them as smart, capable people entitled to autonomy. She might not be the best at replying to their emails and signing off on PTO though. I think she’d be a much better mentor than a supervisor, if that makes sense.

Alison: Okay, can we talk about the boss/employee relationship between the Auditor and Leviathan? Their dynamic was obviously problematic in so many ways, but do you think the Auditor considered it that, at least in the first half of the book? I feel like, at least for a while, she did that thing that so many people do when becoming indispensable to a very powerful boss, where they’re so pleased with how indispensable and trusted they are that they don’t clearly see how deeply warped the power dynamics of the relationship are. And even once she started to see it more clearly, she never really wanted to look at it head-on. (I think we can discuss this without spoilers.)

Natalie: Oh man, this is a rich and complicated topic. Their boss/employee relationship has evolved a lot over time, so it’s hard to pin down, and the closer they have become and the more indispensable the Auditor has become, the more troubling that relationship is. I think that initially, especially in the first half of Hench, she would not have considered their relationship problematic at all (at least certainly no more so than any position working for a supervillain would be), and that even the weirdest parts were worth the benefits and the freedom that came with the position that she occupied. 

I think that has changed pretty radically over time, and she knows it; I don’t want to get into this too deeply, but I will say that I think you’re absolutely right in that it’s something she chooses not to look at too closely. Also many other things are escalating all around her in tandem with their relationship evolving, so it’s very easy for examining their relationship to drop down the priority list while so much else is on fire.

Alison: Well, now that you’ve given us this world, are you thinking about a third in the series? I really want to read about the horrible Discord mods.

Natalie: I am a lot more than thinking about it. When I wrote Hench, I had no idea what its future might be, so I wrote it to be a completely self-contained story while still leaving it open-ended enough that I could return to the world if that opportunity ever came. To my eternal gratitude it did, and so Villain was written from a different place, with a very clear path to continuing the story. It’s still in the early stages, of course, but I am already deeply invested in exploring what happens next in the Leviathan-Auditor-Decoherence hate triangle.

Alison: I am so glad to hear this!

Have you seen the Ask a Manager/Hench mash-up someone made?

Natalie: I HAVE, and it makes me SO HAPPY. I should specify that I have seen but have not read it; I have a hard rule against reading fan fiction of my own work, despite how utterly overjoyed its existence makes me. I grew up writing and reading fan fiction and writing something that inspired fanfic was always a core goal of mine, so any time there is a new entry on AO3 for the Henchiverse, my little trashbag heart swells. But I cannot read it, because I don’t want my own writing to be consciously or unconsciously influenced by it in any way. As much as it breaks my heart, my eyes must merely glance at the titles from afar. 

Alison: Well, then please just trust me that it is a beautiful thing and the person who made it is a genius.

Thank you for talking with me! This has been an absolute delight.

Natalie: Thank you so much for talking to me, this was wonderful!


Buy Hench here: Amazon, Bookshop

And its new sequel, Villain: Amazon, Bookshop

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

The post Ask a Hench: an interview with Natalie Zina Walschots, the author of Hench and Villain appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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