Type-A bureaucrat who professionally pushes papers in the Middle East. History nerd, linguistic geek, and devoted news junkie.
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Ringtone Timeline

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No one likes my novelty ringtone, an audio recording of a phone on vibrate sitting on a hard surface.
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hannahdraper
7 hours ago
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Washington, DC
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alt_text_bot
1 day ago
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No one likes my novelty ringtone, an audio recording of a phone on vibrate sitting on a hard surface.
cloudtamer
1 day ago
"Your like Hitler, but even Hitler care about Germany, or something." - Morty
Eldaria
1 day ago
My phone has been on silent(No vibrate) for the last few years. My Pebble smart watch let's me know if it is ringing or there are notifications.

Jokes I’ve Told That My Male Colleagues Didn’t Like

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“Let me finish. None of them accuse me of doing anything other than maybe they didn’t like a joke I told.” — Michael Bloomberg on being accused of sexual harassment. Slate 2/19/20

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I like my men like I like my commuter car: silent.

A guy walks into a bar. It’s a low one, so he gets a raise within his first six months on the job.

Did you hear the one about the woman who reported sexual harassment? Of course you didn’t; she was forced to sign an NDA.

My co-worker asked me why I seem so tense. I asked him why he was massaging my shoulders.

What’s completely original but said by two different people? My idea that Greg just repeated louder.

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just actually that incapable of controlling yourself while in the presence of a female colleague?

Don’t get me started on airlines. I mean, who’s flying the plane, a man? That explains all this turbulence. A man couldn’t fly a plane smoothly if his job depended on it — except that it doesn’t, because his dad owns the airline!

Who always gives a thumbs up during meetings, but is all hands at Happy Hour? Greg.

What’s short, sloppy, and full of periods? Men’s emails.

What’s long, painstakingly proofread, and full of exclamation points? A woman’s email that will still be received as “kind of bitchy.”

Men are so incompetent. How incompetent are they? If you asked a man to do a project with “no one’s help,” he’d look around and ask, “Which one of these ladies is named ‘No One?’”

Take my husband, for example! No, really, take him!

What goes up but never comes down? Men’s salaries at this firm.

What goes down but never comes up? My hopes of ever being paid on par with my male colleagues.

Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911? Because her manager said if she ever told anyone what happened, she’d never work in this town again.

What do you call a man with less experience and qualifications than you? Your boss, Greg.

What’s black and white and red all over? My story once I leak it to the New York Times.

Literally any joke told by me, a woman.

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paulkruchoski
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hannahdraper
1 day ago
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Washington, DC
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MotherHydra
19 hours ago
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Filed under armchair feminism.
Space City, USA

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hannahdraper
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Craproot

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Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
If you want good food, find people who've been poor a long time, but have plenty of salt, sugar, and fat.


Today's News:
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hannahdraper
1 day ago
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"If you want good food, find people who've been poor a long time, but have plenty of salt, sugar, and fat."
Washington, DC
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A New Word

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In 1940 H.L. Mencken received a letter from a woman who called herself Georgia Southern. She said her profession was known as strip teasing, and she wondered whether Mencken could provide “a new and more palatable word to describe this art.” He wrote back:

It might be a good idea to relate strip teasing in some way or other to the associated zoological phenomenon of molting. Thus the word moltician comes to mind, but it must be rejected because of its likeness to mortician.

A resort to the scientific name for molting, which is ecdysis, produces both ecdysist and ecdysiast. Then there are suggestions in the names of some of the creatures which practice molting. The scientific name for the common crab is Callinectes hastatus, which produces callinectian. Again there is a family of lizards called the Geckonidae, and their name produces gecko.

She went with ecdysiast. Mencken notes that the popular press consulted scholars S.I. Hayakawa, who “seemingly demurred on the incredible ground that he had never seen a strip teaser in action,” and Stuart Chase, who made no reply, “so I won by a sort of forfeit.” The British correspondent for United Press cabled the new word to England, where it was briefly hoped that it might open the way to lifting a ban on strip teasing; that went nowhere, but “the inevitable Association of Ecdysiasts soon appeared in the United States.”

(“Euphemisms,” from Mencken’s The American Language, 1947.)

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hannahdraper
7 days ago
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Washington, DC
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Famous Quotes That Have Clearly Been Misattributed to Winston Churchill

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Throughout history, there have been many famous quotes which, sadly, were misattributed to other, better-known sources. In particular, an uncommonly large number of quotations have been wrongly misattributed to Winston Churchill—indeed, this phenomenon is so wide-spread that it’s earned its own nickname: “Churchillian Drift.” Here now are some particularly-egregious examples.

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(Actual source: Franklin D. Roosevelt)

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(Actual source: Nacho, Nacho Libre)

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(Actual source: Fictional antagonist Andrew Ryan, from the video game BioShock)

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(Actual source: The Unabomber)

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(Actual source: Bluto, National Lampoon’s Animal House)

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(Actual source: Barack Obama, ostensibly)

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(Actual source: Keanu Reeves’ character in the 2000 sports movie The Replacements)

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(Actual source: The Unabomber)

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(Actual source: the elderly Rose character in Titanic)

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(Actual source: Steve Buscemi, Spy Kids 2)

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(Actual source: John Wayne)

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(Actual source: John Wayne Gacy)

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(Actual source: Stephen King)

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(Actual source: Tarzan, ostensibly)

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(Actual source: Kanye West on Twitter, 2018)

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(Actual source: Kanye West, “I Am a God”)

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(Actual source: Jinston Churchill)

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(Actual source: E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey)

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(Actual source: The Unabomber)

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(Actual source: Someone who has just been asked if they are Winston Churchill)

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hannahdraper
9 days ago
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