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Introducing a New Life-Changing Drug For Men But Mostly Women

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Do you suffer from mansplaining, manspreading, manterrupting, or other man-related portmanteaus?

Since the beginning of time, men have been socialized to dominate spaces — physically, intellectually, professionally, and deliberately. And while lately they’ve been forced to be hyper-conscious of their interactions with women, there’s still plenty of work to be done. But studies have shown that waiting for men to change can lead to chronic fatigue, distress, or even death.

So the world’s finest lady scientists — and the makers of MANBIEN (a radical sleeping medication for women to peacefully escape male interaction for 24-48 hours) — are proud and annoyed to bring you ZIPITOR. This revolutionary, horse-pill-sized oral treatment is intended to alter a man’s general feelings of entitlement and heighten awareness of that unbelievable, insensitive thing you probably just did right now without even realizing it.

If you’re thinking, “well, actually…” then let’s go over some facts:

  • ZIPITOR takes the pressure off the penis and reroutes that dick energy (big or small) to enhance mindfulness and prioritize accountability (versus being a liability).
  • ZIPITOR acts on the brain and nerves to quiet the effects of certain natural chemicals in the body that cause men to think women care about your opinion on all-female movie reboots.
  • ZIPITOR helps get your body in the kind of physical shape required to hop over the incredibly low bar set for men in the 21st century.

Before taking ZIPITOR, tell your healthcare provider if you have ever:

  • Explained something to a woman who was equally or more knowledgeable than you
  • Spoken up loudly over a woman when you had something “more important” to say
  • Let your large balls breathe while seated on a busy train or in a crowded public space
  • Ruined a potentially decent interaction with a woman by being yourself

It’s time to ZIP IT UP, gentlemen. Your mouth. Your pants. And your long-standing history of perpetuating sexism by relentlessly trying to assert your dominance. At least for four (4) hours at a time.

In a placebo-controlled clinical study, ZIPITOR improved aspects of cognitive function in men and lowered the anxiety of women around them. But four (4) hours was the maximum amount of time men could go without an indiscretion. However, during that valuable, fleeting period, men became more aware of their surroundings, physically tried to take up less space, and put more thought into their words. Some men even showed signs of advanced improvement by simply saying nothing at all.

Of the 100 men who took the placebo, 100% remained unaccountable for their actions.

ZIPITOR may cause serious, incredible side effects, including:

  • Sudden wokeness
  • Improved vision
  • Tenderness and sensitivity
  • Lockjaw
  • Swelling of the heart
  • Unusual urges (to listen; to comprehend social cues; to be acutely conscientious)
  • Testicular discomfort (a result of squeezing the legs together so tightly)
  • Lethargy (being exceptionally considerate can take a toll on a man, which may lead to narcoleptic episodes)
  • Lower libido (in some cases, men went the entire four hours without unzipping their pants)
  • Choking (we made the pill incredibly large so that this was a possibility)

ZIPITOR is not right for everyone.
Tell your doctor about other predisposed sexist acts you have committed before starting ZIPITOR. Do not take more than one (1) pill in a 24-hour period. If you overdose on ZIPITOR, the penis will fully retreat inside the body, indefinitely.

Do not operate heavy machinery or interact with a woman until you know how ZIPITOR affects you. Tell your doctor right away if you have any of the following symptoms:

  • Still thinking the rules don’t apply to you
  • Still doing splits on a subway bench
  • Still receiving muscle-pulling eyerolls from women
  • Still putting your privilege (or penis) on display

If you start doing other male-related portmanteaus like lighting “mandles,” wearing “meggings,” showing “heavage,” using a “guybrator,” or having a “bromance,” this is perfectly normal and seen as a sign of recovery.

If you experience an introspection lasting longer than four (4) hours, please pat yourself on the back.

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hannahdraper
12 hours ago
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bluebec
9 days ago
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This is the best post I've read all day
Melbourne

Rejected Applicant Sues Law Schools for Violating Magna Carta

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That’s actually just one of the many claims made in this remarkable complaint, filed in Delaware federal court on August 24 and mentioned today by Duke University’s The Chronicle (among others, like you, Ryan). I would ordinarily devote much more time and space to something this good, but I am getting ready for a hearing tomorrow. I’m glad this circulated today, though, because it’s given me lots of great ideas to throw out there. Surely at least one of them will stick.

According to the complaint, the plaintiff applied to at least 24 law schools, or tried to, but was not admitted to any. While there may well have been other reasons for that, it was enough that Plaintiff had refused to take the LSAT, which most if not all schools require. What was his objection to the LSAT?

The LSAT is based on ideology rather than science, and is planned, organized, coordinated, budgeted and administered by radicals who ignore our law, our history, our culture, ethics and probably all of western civilization law.

So, that.

The lawsuit seems to have been triggered by a letter from Duke University saying the June LSAT was the last opportunity to get a score for purposes of 2018 admissions, and since Plaintiff had not taken it, Duke wouldn’t process his application. Plaintiff sued Duke and an assortment of other defendants, including the Law School Admissions Council (probably the radicals mentioned above), Harvard, the ABA, the Pennsylvania and California state bar associations, and various officials affiliated with the foregoing, as well as Betsy DeVos, who for some reason he seems to associate with education.

Plaintiff seeks many millions of dollars and an order admitting him to practice law in Pennsylvania.

What exactly did the defendants do wrong, you are probably asking. Well, first, the ABA has apparently broken a promise it made to Eleanor Roosevelt in 1947 to the effect that it and its members would comply with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. (Which was adopted in 1948, but it could have promised her before that.) Beyond that—not that anything else is really necessary—Plaintiff alleges that not admitting him to law school constituted various torts including trespass, “trespass on the case,” intentional infliction of emotional distress, bad faith, trover (!), and the best of the formal causes of action, “failure to provide a Republican form of government.”

Not that kind of “Republican form of government.” Here Plaintiff is referring to the Guarantee Clause. U.S. Const. art IV, § 4, which requires the federal government to “guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government” (capitalization theirs) and protect them from invasion and insurrection. If I had more time, I could—no, never mind, no matter how much time I spent on this one I couldn’t figure out how the defendants allegedly violated that. This and all the other causes of action clearly state, though, that “[t]he damages claimed are all a result of the injuries,” so they must have done something wrong.

Plaintiff may be one of those “sovereign citizens,” or at least influenced by them, judging by his assertion that this matter will be governed by the “Law of the Case,” which he has helpfully attached as Exhibit 1. There we learn, among other things, that the California Constitution of 1879 “defines all California courts to be courts of record,” which it probably does, but that doesn’t seem especially relevant. We also learn that the “Commonwealth of Pennsylvania maintains confusion and deception with multiple versions of its Constitution,” and that may also be true, but again, seems irrelevant. The Law of the Case will also apparently be found in Black’s Law Dictionary, Barron’s Canadian Law Dictionary, and, of course, Article 34 of the Magna Carta.

We don’t need to go into that one, really, although I would very much like to. The Magna Carta didn’t have “articles,” for one thing, and while some would argue that technically a few of its clauses are still part of English law, at least, clause 34 isn’t one of them.

He might be thinking of clause 33, that historic and foundational provision stating that “[a]ll fish-weirs shall be removed from the Thames, the Medway, and throughout the whole of England, except on the sea coast.” Or at least he might as well give that one a try, because it’s just as likely to work as his other arguments.

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hannahdraper
12 hours ago
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fxer
4 hours ago
“[a]ll fish-weirs shall be removed from the Thames, the Medway, and throughout the whole of England, except on the sea coast.” i’m in the middle of rewatching The Tudors cause I needed some more period-piece-porn after binging The Crown and now I'm def going to have to read the whole Magna Carta.
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“In Our Time” is an ever-growing library of wisdom

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LISTENERS to BBC Radio 4 on October 15th 1998 would have heard the Cumbrian-inflected voice of Melvyn Bragg introduce a new programme without much fanfare. He welcomed those tuned in to a series “in which I hope we’ll be looking at some of the ideas and events which have influenced the century”. 

In that first episode of “In Our Time”, two academics soberly discussed the wars of the past 100 years. Since then, the show has explored more than 800 subjects, such as the 18th-century gin craze, Agrippina the Younger and the mathematical constant e. “In Our Time” has the feel of a university seminar, with some of academia’s brightest—Mary Beard and Marcus du Sautoy are regular contributors—taking 45 minutes each week to discuss a topic, live and unedited. The programme’s return this month continues its marathon run into a 21st year. For the BBC, “In Our Time” is not just part of the furniture but a load-bearing pillar, propping up the corporation’s occasionally wayward efforts to enlighten the...Continue reading

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hannahdraper
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Mom’s blistering rant on how men should be blamed for all unwanted pregnancies going crazy viral. 

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via <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/hey__paul/6980584656/in/photolist-bCRjBS-7qYCFS-ht4o7H-7qUHLz-aqqBxn-qgx9wL-p1XW9k-eyFXm8-9wVPMa-diyGJV-fiYHpP-7qYD61-28aGDYB-fizHVp-bAwExG-2c1hXf-Gnd3Et-21BtQfS-283JWR9-fBzGZ-bVFx68-cm3kh7-6qme4Y-2z5zP3-de2M4a-de2LMb-eZ9nmn-o6Tyvh-de2MpG-az4SG-de2MRD-de2LDa-5oXRxs-7Vkiq8-de2Mko-7QG4nS-8c225Z-6dhjmS-5oXRtC-8chyyc-osgeZ3-de2JNh-YMvTM3-bLauEg-YE51t2-qgxwL5-dLRpVM-Y9bZNc-ZKfUZ6-YQ6QKR" target="_blank">Hey Paul Studios/Flickr</a>

Members of the Church of Latter Day Saints, commonly known as Mormons, are a conservative group who aren’t known for being vocal about sex.

But best selling author, blogger, and mother of six, Gabrielle Blair, has kicked that stereotype to the curb with a pointed thread on reducing unwanted pregnancies. And her sights are set directly at men.

She wrote a Cliff’s Notes version of her thread on her blog:

If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies. No for real, they are. Perhaps you are thinking: IT TAKES TWO! And yes, it does take two for _intentional_ pregnancies.

But ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don’t believe me? Let me walk you through it. Let’s start with this: women can only get pregnant about 2 days each month. And that’s for a limited number of years.

Here’s the whole thread. It’s long, but totally worth the read.

Blair’s controversial tweet storm have been liked hundreds of thousands of time, with the original tweet earning nearly 200,000 likes since it was posted on Thursday, September, 13.

The reactions have earned her both praise and scorn.

Most of the scorn was from men.

But Blair wouldn’t budge.

For other men, the tweet thread was a real eye-opener.

Women everywhere applauded Blair’s bold thread.

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fxer
1 day ago
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come see my band; Irresponsible Ejaculations
Bend, Oregon
hannahdraper
1 day ago
No thanks, I've seen enough of those in my life.
diannemharris
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hannahdraper
1 day ago
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Washington, DC
diannemharris
1 day ago
I wish I could star your reply
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fattyatomicmutant: thedreadpiratejames: sizvideos: Video I...

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fattyatomicmutant:

thedreadpiratejames:

sizvideos:

Video

I love this. There’s another one where they go to a wine tasting and give people a glass from a $20 bottle and they hate it, then a glass from a $200 bottle and they love it. But then they reveal that both glasses are actually from the same $20 bottle.

Wealth and it’s trappings is a false construct meant to elevate those that

Have.

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fxer
1 day ago
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*eating chalupa with knife and fork* Garçon, more diablo sauce!
Bend, Oregon
hannahdraper
1 day ago
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The Former Green Beret Who Inspired Kaepernick’s Anthem Protest Would Like To Clear A Few Things Up

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The fact that it was Colin Kaepernick and the San Francisco 49ers only made the situation worse.

Nate Boyer felt a connection with the quarterback. He even had an autographed football that Kaepernick had signed and written, of all things, “God Bless Our Troops.” And the 49ers? That was Boyer’s favorite team.

So when he heard that Kaepernick sat during “The Star-Spangled Banner” before an NFL exhibition game in 2016, it struck close to home.

“Initially, I was pretty disappointed,” recalled Boyer, who was in Lubbock, Texas, working a fundraiser for veterans when he learned of the gesture.

Boyer had seen death and devastation in Africa, had multiple war deployments as a Green Beret and even had a period of homelessness. He had a perspective about sports, and understood more about the NFL than the average fan, having spent a few weeks in training camp with the Seattle Seahawks as a long snapper.

He wasn’t mad, but he was entirely ready to dismiss Kaepernick as just another coddled and churlish star, acting up when his starting job was in jeopardy.

“I kind of just wrote him off initially, to be honest,” said Boyer, 37, of Los Angeles. “I was around a bunch of veterans. One of the dudes I was with was a paraplegic from military service”

 

Never could Boyer have dreamed that his life and Kaepernick’s would soon intersect, and that he would play a small but critical behind-the-scenes role in the most controversial sports protest in a generation. Kaepernick’s act led to some type of protest on virtually every NFL team, divided fans, became a central talking point for President Trump, and recently inspired a major advertisement campaign by Nike, coinciding with the 30th anniversary of the company’s “Just Do It” slogan.

A year before Kaepernick’s protest, Boyer had a bit of fleeting fame. He had served in the military, then cracked the University of Texas football roster as a 29-year-old freshman after teaching himself how to be a long snapper — hiking the ball back for punts and kicks — by watching YouTube videos. Before joining the team, he’d never played organized football. Soon, he was leading the Longhorns onto the field carrying the American flag.

As if that weren’t unlikely enough, he made it to NFL camp with the Seahawks as a 34-year-old rookie and wound up logging three plays in an exhibition game, even making a tackle, before he was released. His was a feel-good story, the kind that comes and goes around the league every summer. People got to know who he was, even though he had little chance of ever making a roster.

Seeing as he had a foot in both worlds, pro football and the military, several publications approached Boyer to write an editorial about Kaepernick. He declined, reasoning he wasn’t going to change any minds. It wasn’t until the Army Times came to him a second time that Boyer agreed, as long as he could write it as an open letter.

“I haven’t really written much at all,” said Boyer, who acknowledged he wasn’t a very good student growing up in El Cerrito, Calif., just north of Berkeley. “But I definitely write from a really honest place. I don’t try to find the perfect words for everything. I just say what’s on my mind and my heart and let it flow.”

Related: Former Green Beret Nate Boyer Emerges As A Voice Of Reason In National Anthem Controversy »

In his letter, addressing Kaepernick directly, Boyer wrote about volunteering in the Darfur region of the Sudan, something he did after giving up on his dreams of being a firefighter and putting his acting aspirations on hold.

“Unfortunately, I also know that racism still exists in our country, as it does in every other country on this planet,” Boyer wrote, “and I hate that I know that.”

He discussed why he turned to the military after the Sudan, embracing the motto of the Army Special Forces: De oppresso liber, Latin for “to free the oppressed.”

“I’m not judging you for standing up for what you believe in,” Boyer wrote. “It’s your inalienable right. What you are doing takes a lot of courage, and I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was like to walk around in your shoes. I’ve never had to deal with prejudice because of the color of my skin, and for me to say I can relate to what you’ve gone through is as ignorant as someone who’s never been in a combat zone telling me they understand what it’s like to go to war.”

He closed by promising to keep listening, with an open mind, about the protests.

“I look forward to the day you’re once again inspired to stand during our national anthem,” he wrote. “I’ll be standing right there next to you. Keep on trying … De Oppresso Liber.”

The letter went viral, and Boyer fielded dozens of radio and TV interview requests. He was at NFL Network in Culver City when he received a phone call from Kaepernick’s publicist saying the player wanted to meet him before the 49ers played in San Diego the next night.

nate boyer colin kaepernickPhoto via Facebook|Shaun King

Colin Kaepernick and Nate Boyer in San Diego.

Boyer agreed, and the following day the quarterback sent an Uber that took him on a three-hour ride through heavy traffic to the team’s hotel. Kaepernick was waiting in the lobby, as was teammate Eric Reid, who would join the protest.

“We talked about where we were both coming from,” Boyer said. “I understood the message behind it at that point. … But it’s hard for a lot of people to get past the gesture because of when it’s happening. It’s during the anthem, and that’s a sacred time for a lot of people.”

He explained to Kaepernick that veterans might feel “you don’t have their perspective and their understanding, just like they don’t have yours.”

Boyer asked the quarterback what his goals were, what the change he sought might look like.

“He couldn’t really articulate it at that point, but it was very early on in the process,” Boyer recalled. “I said, ‘Well, if you’re not going to stand, first of all, I think sitting on the bench isolated from your team is not very inspiring. It looks like you’re sitting it out or you don’t care.”

While making it clear he would not stand, Kaepernick asked Boyer if there was another way he could protest. Kneel rather than sit, he was told, that way you can be alongside your teammates.

That next game, Kaepernick knelt during the anthem, and Boyer, hand over his heart, stood alongside him on the sideline in street clothes.

“I was showing that I support his right to do that, I support the message behind what he’s demonstrating for,” Boyer said. “But I’m also standing with pride because I feel differently in a lot of ways too. But there’s nothing wrong with feeling differently and believing different things. We can still work together to make this place better.”

Boyer found he could relate to Kaepernick, because he had spent plenty of his own time on a road less traveled. Instead of heading for college after high school as his sister and brother did, he spent a year working on a fishing boat in San Diego. When he decided to try acting, he moved to Los Angeles and lived out of his 1993 Honda Civic hatchback.

“I’m about 5-11,” he said, “but it was definitely tight quarters, for sure.”

He kept a sleeping bag in his car, and sometimes would find a park in Beverly Hills to spend the night, somewhere that looked safe.

“I guarantee that my parents were plenty worried about me,” said Boyer, whose mother earned a doctorate degree from the University of California, Berkeley in civil/environmental engineering, and whose father is the longtime track veterinarian at Golden Gate Fields.

Boyer said he has taken issue with some of Kaepernick’s decisions, among them wearing socks with cartoon pigs dressed as police officers, and a T-shirt featuring late Cuban leader Fidel Castro.

The quarterback opted out of his contract with the 49ers after the 2016 season and has not signed with another team. He is suing the league, alleging he has been blackballed because of his protests.

“I don’t agree with the fact that he said he wouldn’t vote because he doesn’t want to vote for an oppressive system like ours,” said Boyer, who said he hasn’t talked to Kaepernick in more than a year. “I thought that was incorrect. There’s a lot of people of all colors who shed a lot of blood, and there were people in the civil rights movement who did a lot to secure those rights.”

Boyer, who shares a Studio City apartment with two friends, is involved with multiple charitable causes, among them MVP: Merging Vets and Players and, along with Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Chris Long, Waterboys, aimed at providing clean well water to East African communities. Boyer is also working in the film industry, with a special emphasis on telling the stories of veterans.

Two years after the protests began, he is frustrated because he feels their message and intent have been misinterpreted or intentionally hijacked.

From liberals: “ ‘Hey, don’t you know it was a Green Beret who told Colin to protest in the first place, told him to take a knee?’ ” Boyer lamented: “And I’m like, ‘I didn’t tell him to do anything. I definitely didn’t tell him to protest. What I did was meet with him, make suggestions on different ways to do it after he was already protesting. And worked with him to kind of come to a middle ground.”

And from conservatives: “(They) put all veterans in this box and say, ‘You’re offending every veteran.’ That’s also ridiculous. Or, ‘He’s protesting the anthem.’ He’s not protesting the national anthem. It has become an anthem debate, but that’s not what the protest is about. It’s about racial inequality, police brutality.”

Whether people agree or disagree, Boyer wishes the message hadn’t been intercepted.

“It’s not fair to Colin, it’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to the cause,” he said. “And it’s not good for our country.”

———

©2018 Los Angeles Times. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

The post The Former Green Beret Who Inspired Kaepernick’s Anthem Protest Would Like To Clear A Few Things Up appeared first on Task & Purpose.



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